Wanna hear something stupid?

Jay McCarroll with Spools, originally uploaded by k-ideas.

I just watched Project Jay for the first time and it left me bawling like a baby.Hearing him talk about passion and sewing 6-7 hours without going to the bathroom of even drinking water reminds me of me.And I thought it was really interesting how he talked about his line and being a sellout and if he wanted to do that or not and if he does does that mean hes not an artist anymore. I think about all this stuff and wonder about self sabotage because I know I do it often and I wonder if by the end of this show he will do that to himself or not.It practically tore me apart seeing him go thru the panic and stress and the last minute torture,thinking he wont get it done, over the Heidi dress only to have her not pick it in the end and I swear my heart broke right along with him.I think doing art of any kind and trying to make it with your art is such a personal hard thing. I sometimes get some guilt and guilt trips over working on my stuff the way I do,I think maybe sometimes people look at me like Iam just playing when I work on my things. I guess its because Iam passionate about it and its all I really want to do or talk about or spend money on.I think some people,maybe not my family but others dont really see any value in it if Im not able to make a fantastic living off of it but Im not really sure if I care if I ever do. I dunno,just a thought.